My thoughts on: Turning 30

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I’ve been paying closer attention to life lately. I’ve been noticing that my friends are not only acting older… but they’re LOOKING older. Not in a bad way, of course. Let’s see, how can i put this. Ok. How about this: If we were to be cast in a new season of Saved By The Bell, we wouldn’t be cast as the students any more, but the teachers. Plus i saw that a girl i used to go to school with was actually in a commercial for a kids toy- as the mom. When i was little the Mom in those commercials always seemed so old. But they were probably 30ish. Instinct tells me that i should be bummed about this. But whenever i get a moment to think, i try and look on the bright side.

Top 5 reasons why turning 30 is pretty cool: 

5) You can look both forwards AND backwards. When you’re young, they say that you have your whole life ahead of you, and it’s all so new and exciting. But where i am now… it’s pretty cool. I can look back and laugh at all the stupid the crazy things i did in my 20’s: mostly things i regret, some i treasure and revisit often.  I can also look ahead at all the future trips we’ll take, people we’ll make, houses we’ll buy, goals we’ll achieve. In a 4 act play, the curtain is going up on act 2: The characters have been introduced and you’re just beginning to understand where this play is going. It sounds sappy…and i hate sappy- but this is truly my outlook on life right now.

4) Being boring makes you endearing instead of a loser. This is purely speculative- because i myself may be considered a loser by everyone and just don’t know it. (And that is a very likely scenario). I just love it when i see people post on Facebook about their netflix marathons and their crate of chinese take out for dinner. I think those people are awesome. What i hate is blurry drunken duck-face selfies with captions littered with “inside joke” nonsense. I feel like at 30, we’re at the point where were are deemed “cool” by who we are, not what we do and how many people we were with when we did it. BUT, like i said before, this whole thing could have been written by one big fat loser.

3) Sir William Joel finally speaks to you. You go your whole life saying “Bah” whenever you hear a Billy Joel song. You think he’s lame and tame and boring. But then one day…you’ve had a long day at work. And your head hurts from all the ringing phones. And your pants are fitting a little too tight because you’re getting fat. Then “She’s Got a Way” comes on the radio and you’re holding back tears. You are so moved, and the world looks different. The colors are more vibrant. You feel the need to make floral arrangements. “Who sang that beautiful song” You ask. And discover it was Mr. Billy Joel. It’s a big moment in ones life when Mr. Joel decides to speak to you. Has it not happened to you yet? Be strong. Be patient. Billy likes to pick the perfect moment.

2) Heightened sense of importance because the current generation is hopeless: Now i know that every generation says the exact same thing about the generation that comes before it. But what i have discovered the older i get, is that it’s HARD watching the generation below you use the currently technology. If i got to play the Sims when i was 12 i would have been so excited i would have pooped my pants. I was a big fan of playing pretend when i was little. I used to take my moms old MLS books and broken phones and play real estate agent with my neighbor in my garage. I played house on the playground. I lived for polly pocket. I even used to play out stories in my head when i played the Little Mermaid, Aladin, or Lion King on my Sega Genesis. I would avoid anything that would hurt me and use them as props in the story that i was unfolding in my head. As soon as the plot demanded a change of location, i would hurry up and beat the level. These things developed my imagination. I know I am only saying what the generation above said about me, and what the generation below me will be saying about the generation below them…. but it still makes me feel like a more evolved and more capable woman.

1) Ice cream for dinner.* Yeah, since turning 18 i could TECHNICALLY do this. And i did… a lot. But ever since dropping 45 pounds last year, i feel that my decision to consume sugar for dinner is a planned out and calculated move. I planned, ate healthy before and made time for a small work out. It’s was grown-up decision. Hmm. The more i type this the more i think i should change the title of this one.

            *AMENDED* 1) The ability to expertly rationalize any terrible decision. 

 

My thoughts on: Procrastination

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There are about 100 things i should be doing throughout the day. Whether it be clearing those 750 picture off my phone (pictures mostly of very important food) so i can actually take pictures for work, sign up for that class to get a certification, work on that novel, or organize my desk— i would be mortified if i was able to watch a re-play of the day before i went to sleep each night. What would be on that tape? During my free time, i would be watching myself watch cat videos and read AMAs on reddit. (I must have spent half a day reading Jackson Galaxy’s AMA). Every night, i lay in bed thinking about all the things i put off for the next day. And because i’m such a nice person and i hate it when i beat myself up about things— i blame any and all outside factors for my inability to make the next day a tad easier for myself. Like what, you may ask? Why, i’ve made a list!

5) Netflix. This is going to date me a bit— but when i was in college i lived for car-naps. I purposely scheduled my classes with a 50 minute recess so i could drag myself to my car for a nap. Then i had a bright idea- what if i could watch TV in my car? Madness! It was 2005- there were no iphone or ipod touches. I had a motorola razor for crying out loud. So for Christmas of 2005 my parents got me a portable DVD player… but that thing had a terrible battery life. Then the Christmas of 2006 i got a PSP. The only way to watch TV was to buy those UMDs. I had 1: Family Guy. Which held about 4 episodes that i watched over and over. Christmas of 2007 i got a video ipod and stopped studying in the library. No matter where i was on that Akron U campus- i was watching Seinfeld on a 2 inch screen. Luckily i graduated in 2008… or else i would have been in trouble. NETFLIX makes it possible to watch TV where ever you are, and no matter what you’re doing. I’m a simple woman, and i love my stories.

4) GOATS. Have you seen those videos of screaming goats? Sometimes, when i’m working on the computer (and watching my stories on Netflix) i remember that YouTube houses so many magnificent videos of goats screaming. If you were to go back in time and tell 17 year old Tara that her novel keeps getting pushed back because she gets distracted by videos of goats screaming on YouTube, she would have responded with “Wow, the future sounds AWESOME”

3) YouTube WANDERING. It starts by a goat video. Then they suggest a video of a cat eating a banana. Then a cat eating a footlong sub. Next you’re watching the final scene of Full House. Then a guy jumping off a roof into a pool. And suddenly, you have fallen deep into the YouTube and found you’re watching a childbirth video. You respond by turning off your computer and stress eating a bag of Fritos.

2) SPELUNKY. This is a small little game that is super punishing but incredibly rewarding. I find that when i leave the house in the morning my mental “don’t forget” list runs as follows: Keys, checkbook, wallet, phone, planner, PS vita. During those times throughout the day where i could be thinking about my future, balancing my checkbook, making grocery lists, reading a book… i break out that stupid game. Someone who answers to the name Adam once said “you’ll never beat that game”…. so i beat it. After i beat it, he said “you’ll never make it to the secret level.” And so. My side quest in my life so far in 2014 has been to beat the secret level and rub it in Adam’s face.

1) NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES. Our grandparents, and our parents, and even younger versions of ourselves used to only have to put aside 1-2 hours a week for the shows that we loved. They came on once a week, after we ate dinner. The mentality of the programmers were “what else are people doing at 8PM on Tuesday night? Lets entertain an otherwise dark and boring hour.” We whined and complained when we had to wait full 7 days to watch the other part of that 2 parter. We would look at the clock, and see it was 8:56 and say “they’re never going to be able to save the president in 4 minutes… no… no… they wont—” and then it happens. TO BE CONTINUED. Now Netflix has solved that problem. Instead of waiting until next week, they put on an entire series at once. So instead of sitting on the couch for an hour on tuesday evening, you’re in your underwear for 8 hours avoiding texts such as “Sally just had her baby!” or “We’re just gonna order appetizers until you get here” just waiting for that epic moment when George Michael Bluth does his impression of a chicken.