There are about 100 things i should be doing throughout the day. Whether it be clearing those 750 picture off my phone (pictures mostly of very important food) so i can actually take pictures for work, sign up for that class to get a certification, work on that novel, or organize my desk— i would be mortified if i was able to watch a re-play of the day before i went to sleep each night. What would be on that tape? During my free time, i would be watching myself watch cat videos and read AMAs on reddit. (I must have spent half a day reading Jackson Galaxy’s AMA). Every night, i lay in bed thinking about all the things i put off for the next day. And because i’m such a nice person and i hate it when i beat myself up about things— i blame any and all outside factors for my inability to make the next day a tad easier for myself. Like what, you may ask? Why, i’ve made a list!
5) Netflix. This is going to date me a bit— but when i was in college i lived for car-naps. I purposely scheduled my classes with a 50 minute recess so i could drag myself to my car for a nap. Then i had a bright idea- what if i could watch TV in my car? Madness! It was 2005- there were no iphone or ipod touches. I had a motorola razor for crying out loud. So for Christmas of 2005 my parents got me a portable DVD player… but that thing had a terrible battery life. Then the Christmas of 2006 i got a PSP. The only way to watch TV was to buy those UMDs. I had 1: Family Guy. Which held about 4 episodes that i watched over and over. Christmas of 2007 i got a video ipod and stopped studying in the library. No matter where i was on that Akron U campus- i was watching Seinfeld on a 2 inch screen. Luckily i graduated in 2008… or else i would have been in trouble. NETFLIX makes it possible to watch TV where ever you are, and no matter what you’re doing. I’m a simple woman, and i love my stories.
4) GOATS. Have you seen those videos of screaming goats? Sometimes, when i’m working on the computer (and watching my stories on Netflix) i remember that YouTube houses so many magnificent videos of goats screaming. If you were to go back in time and tell 17 year old Tara that her novel keeps getting pushed back because she gets distracted by videos of goats screaming on YouTube, she would have responded with “Wow, the future sounds AWESOME”
3) YouTube WANDERING. It starts by a goat video. Then they suggest a video of a cat eating a banana. Then a cat eating a footlong sub. Next you’re watching the final scene of Full House. Then a guy jumping off a roof into a pool. And suddenly, you have fallen deep into the YouTube and found you’re watching a childbirth video. You respond by turning off your computer and stress eating a bag of Fritos.
2) SPELUNKY. This is a small little game that is super punishing but incredibly rewarding. I find that when i leave the house in the morning my mental “don’t forget” list runs as follows: Keys, checkbook, wallet, phone, planner, PS vita. During those times throughout the day where i could be thinking about my future, balancing my checkbook, making grocery lists, reading a book… i break out that stupid game. Someone who answers to the name Adam once said “you’ll never beat that game”…. so i beat it. After i beat it, he said “you’ll never make it to the secret level.” And so. My side quest in my life so far in 2014 has been to beat the secret level and rub it in Adam’s face.
1) NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES. Our grandparents, and our parents, and even younger versions of ourselves used to only have to put aside 1-2 hours a week for the shows that we loved. They came on once a week, after we ate dinner. The mentality of the programmers were “what else are people doing at 8PM on Tuesday night? Lets entertain an otherwise dark and boring hour.” We whined and complained when we had to wait full 7 days to watch the other part of that 2 parter. We would look at the clock, and see it was 8:56 and say “they’re never going to be able to save the president in 4 minutes… no… no… they wont—” and then it happens. TO BE CONTINUED. Now Netflix has solved that problem. Instead of waiting until next week, they put on an entire series at once. So instead of sitting on the couch for an hour on tuesday evening, you’re in your underwear for 8 hours avoiding texts such as “Sally just had her baby!” or “We’re just gonna order appetizers until you get here” just waiting for that epic moment when George Michael Bluth does his impression of a chicken.